Lyrics to a song I have never heard...that somehow grabbed me at 3:11 AM

"Keep quiet,
nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure everyday.

And I keep my jealousy close,
'cause it's all mine.
And if you say this makes you happy,
then I'm not the only one who is lying.

Drink down that gin and kerosene,
and come spit on bridges with me.
Just to keep us warm.

Then light a match to leave me be.
Light a match to leave, me be."

I wonder if I'd like this actual song to music???? I found this searching for the meaning of 'It's all over now baby Blue' - I am watching No direction Home because I can't sleep (it is actually really interesting and good - shocking being Scorsese and all - hee hee).

Why does the song - grab me? No clue....or maybe a clue....but anyway...it is dark and I can be dark. But it just seemed so honest...and I have been looking for more honesty in life lately. I gotta say I love the line "I keep my jealousy close, 'cause it is all mine." Yeah....I can feel that at times ;-)

ahhh...two blogs in one night....a break - I will take. (Ok - no idea why Yoda took over typing there for a sec....I need sleep)

The Shortest Distance Between Two Points -

s often not the most fun journey. Living in Amherst and Northampton....I would drive home all these different routes just to see what was going on in the farm lands....snowy hills...changing leaves.....new restaurants...what have you. And ok...I am a huge huge fan of the long drive with a pack of smokes....melancholic music...or beats or jam bands....or cheesy songs that I can sing my head off too as if I were about to go on Tour. My small tour of abandoned barns in Western Mass. was obviously destined to be a huge success. I would probably have gone on tour under an alias like Dusty Nickels and sing cover songs of Stevie Nicks tunes or something....hee hee.

Anyhow...the drives were great...mind clearing. I really truly find driving meditative and wonderous....driving cross-country I could drive 16 hours a day and still belt out all the old (um - good) Liz Phair songs....and still manage to find the world's largest bull and corn palaces.... and best freaking diners and best coffee....and ice creams. This would sometimes drive jay insane even though I am sure he totally loved the singing;-) He would lose his mind that I was completely unwilling to stop to eat until we found a cute dinner (I mean why go to a chain restaurant...) or that I would drive 75 miles out of the way to see twine or something. But that is me - these things intrige me....like snow in San Francisco. Some people are destination oriented and some people find a way to enjoy the journey and usually arrive at the destination a bit later but all that much richer - Obviosly I find my way more enjoyable....but I am no hater...to each her own.

All of this is a long winded way of saying that I have finallly - finally made some decisions and get to continue on my journey....going out of my way - hopefully arrive at a more comfortable/enjoyable destination. Will this side jouney get me back to SF - that is what I hope as of now...but of course anything could happen.

So - I am going back to Boston for a few months to study for the California Bar in February. I hear that third time is a charm. I will be leaving the first week of December....and take the exam the end of February. I am putting my stuff in storage in SF - so that should assuage any fears that I will never return (and if anybody knows of any good storage places....do share).

I hope that seclusion and study in the snowy wonderland of Massachusetts will be far less distracting than studying in SF. Plus - dinner prepared by Mom and laundry in the house and cable....hmmmm....might be a nice change (ok - I am trying to look at the upside or living with my Mom and Mark again - at the age of 30 for a few months...;-)) But really it'll be good to see my family and real winter and likely be boring as all hell but that is what I probably need in order to study my ass off and beat this damn exam and get a good job...get back on track....afford to live in Sf etc.

As for the whole South Korea dealio or the NYC plans....I do not know if that is feasible. I will figure that out in the next couple of months and that wouldn't happen until March - if I did go to S. Korea. Maybe by then I'll even find a travel partner...or a new journey - who knows?

But so - there you go friends...that is where I am at. I am going back to Boston next week for a bit to set up the details and then I'll be here in SF until about Dec. 5th.....then I'll be gone until the end of February to the snowy wonderland of the shouth shore of MA. Then the BAR and then either S. Korea or a new job in SF or we shall see....but the plan is to return here likely in a few months time...perhaps not for a year and a half. This city is my home....but like I said sometimes the best way to get to your destination even if it is only across the street is to drive 10,000 miles out of the way.....only to learn how to cross the street.

(PS - this is a copy of my Tribe blog - admittedly - I have been blogging more there than here....but that could change....we'll see)