Sticks and Stones

Monday, November 05, 2007

Cabbage

FYI...I completed the cabbage soup diet which was less hard than I thought. But due to the fact that I neglected to weigh myself at the start of the diet...at the end I believed I had only lost one pound which was not a very good feeling since I figure scales certainly have a margin of error at least that high.

So - I have yet to diet again. I had hoped it would kick off a new dieting me. Some one who would rather a carrot than a steak, an apple than a cake....but I am still me. Fairly normal sized just way bigger than I used to be. It is so oddly difficult to wrap my brain around. I mean I still walk around feeling like me - like I must be skinny and then....I see that tummy - my tummy in a reflection showing me the false pretenses that I have decided to live with in.....and oddly it has this power to break my heart every time I catch it....over and over and over again.

I used to think I wasn't vain at all but I guess maybe that is easy to think when one is skinny - maybe I am vain...and too weak to deal with improving myself - - but I want to change, that has to mean something.