You and I

You and I, we are a lot alike. We drink too much and take ourselves too alternately too seriously and then too frivolously. We love live and we fuck shit up and want to jump off the top of twin peaks and squish what ever may be in our path. Or perhaps like coffee and ice - - the new oil and water - - we are nothing alike at all and fish they do need water.

Today is silly - - running hot and cold and now reaching a tepid lukewarm at best. I have again learned to laugh at myself and recall again why that should happen much faster and usually it does. But sometimes and for some reason I can't seem to find the land of humor before 10 am and sort of want to punch anyone who does and then hug them and then smack them in the face.

That being said, this morning I awoke not at my homestead but with clothes to wear to my illustrious job where I have done nothing at all all day but likely make the office reek of cigarettes. When I finally stopped hitting snooze on my cell phone which is my arch enemy in the wee hours - which nearly got tossed out the window or fed to the cat, I went to take a shower. Ok - easy task right - - but alas no hot water or perhaps just user error. One would think that by this stage in life that I could of course work a shower even if it is of the complicated variety which this one was not - - but one would be wrong. I may have a few intelligent thoughts and interesting perspective but I have my faults and failings all the time. So, the shower may have been all my fault? I mean, I get lost trying to find Market St. from one block away - - really I do. It is sad but funny....one would never realize the joy of victory if one never experienced the torment of defeat and I really can own that daily.

Anyhow - - after the shower debacle - - and the only towel was wet --- and did I mention it was before 8am. I just wanted to crawl in a cave but I persevered. I thought go to work a little dirty - - ok a lot dirty.
"This room cost 2,000 dollars a month
you can believe it man it's true
somewhere a landlord's laughing till he wets his pants
No one here dreams of being a doctor or a lawyer or anything
they dream of dealing on the dirty boulevard" Lou Reed

So right - things are bleak in my Lou reed - - super emo (that time of the month) pre-8 am fun. And then the kicker - - I try on the dress heels that I have with me and they don't fit one is a 6 1/2 and one is a 7 1/2. Normally this would not throw me into hysterics but today I crumbled like an eight year old girl who just realized her dad wasn't a super hero or her favorite holiday fellow wasn't so real.

After the initial folding of my morning like a crepe.......my top and bottom touching filled with nothing but fluff in the middle. I stayed with my guffaw attitude at the state of my life and the bleak look of tomorrow and the world .....as I stared at my feet clad in orange sneakers and fishnet tights. But then as I chance to peak beyond my nose at the fella across the way....I saw his shoes. They were of that normal suit style leather with little tassels and as I stared I realized he had on two different shoes one black and one brown.

The ice cracked and I could find the surface again. My smile cracked through my silly early am insanity so boldly you'd a thunk it was 7 in the evening....or at least 2 in the afternoon. How silly for caring about shoes and showers when some people can't eat and in the end we all wear one black shoe and one brown shoe sometimes. Plus how cool am I in my orange sneakers and dirty hair - - it's like my true inner expression is oozing out despite my best defenses. So - all you gotta do is dance and laugh and soon it won't be 8 am anymore.......I just gotta remember that tomorrow.