Sabotuer

Life is a series of events which we either accept, create or wreck. Sometimes I see that I am can be my own saboteur - - kicking, hitting killing myself from within - - creating diversions instead of creating a path. Sometimes this is a very very conscious effort and other times merely something that occurs beneath the surface as if it were out of my control - as if it were an addiction.

This is a loose beginning to what I see as an interesting topic......sabotage as self-protection. (As an aside I find it cool and interesting that tuer is the French word for to kill - - Isn't etymology fun - kids?) It is a very strange and true reality and next time you hit that snooze button, don't call the girl back, stay out too late, or leave too soon......think of the sabotuer in you. (Perhaps we feel we are killing the saber.....like chasing the dragon - - but slaying the Tiger or trying to kill the knife (slashing the blade?). Does this make any sense?)

Or maybe it isn't really about sabotage or self-protection but more about trying to achieve something that one knows is impossible - - pure happiness all the time - - and then having to deal with the fiery truth that happiness is fleeting at best and if you think for just a few seconds you may even wonder if it exists at all. Perhaps this sabotuer in me and perhaps you is just proof positive that there is a very thin line between idealism and stupidity.

But what do I know? Not much but at least as much as you - - right? Even if I am in the self-imposed bubble of study and work for the next few months......I am good at sabotage, escapism, insanity......but also happiness, goofiness, love......we'll see which side wins or what funny monster these parts will form.