Lost and Found

I am getting after it...really I am getting Mother F*cking after it baby. I will eat this exam for lunch even if the dean of Stanford Law School failed in July.

Here in the snow - studying my ass off (well no - not really - it is still there - maybe it's gonna be a bit rounder when I return to SF - but I hear guys like that ;-)). But really I am studying 12 hours a day. I have left the house only once...but I am thinking of starting running - so that may change.

This solitary time is proving that sometimes you need a little time for yourself with yourself. At least if you are me. I mean I miss SF and my friends dearly every day but I think I am gettng a glimpse of what it means to stand on my own two feet. Not just because I can or because they are there, but because I want to...and that may sound super cheesy - but I am cheez wiz baby... I am going rock these feet and die dancing if I have my way.

Realize - this life is going to be very long and fly by and the best we can hope for is to enjoy it, learn from it and grab what we want while we can. I think this is always a battle. I look at the world and it tears me apart and breaks my heart and drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel like I can see the edges fray...the illustators marks on the city skyline...and I feel like a child...like a drop of water. I used to spend hours just looking at the ocean and being jealous...really truly jealous...like I could never be that important - that awesome - so what was the point?

It is immobilizing - fear - right? But not everyone sees the moments when art and reality collide...really try to talk to some people about frayed edges of reality and they will just look at you and start speaking really slowly.

So - I figure - I may never be the ocean but...I have got a lot - riches so intangible and so vast that I know I am truly lucky. Ahh...well 30 ain't so bad after all ;-) I promise less drooling nonsense next blog. I just thought I'd start with the mushy stuff and then tell y'all what I think about Clemens possibly returning to the red sox - next time.

It is cold and lonely here but my mind is crisp and my heart is warmed by thoughts of San Francisco. Soon I will figure out how to add my fun snowy pictures...perhaps with diagrams of how to make a snowball for all you funny sunny westside folks ;-) This is the dorkiest blog ever...but hell if the shoe fits. Luckily I am not on the prowl right now. Oddly not many men pass through this abode - so I can be a dork. And it is cold as a nun's titty here - but yet it is ok to sleep alone. Nuns and implied sex (well implied sexual thoughts) in the same sentence - Am I going to hell? Just joshing - these arms are enough for me right now and that is really good - since I am sleeping in a twin bed.

OK - truth be told - I am sleeping in a TWIN bed in a very very pastel room with lots of ceramic things which I still can not find any use for and pictures of babies in like insect costumes. Really - little babies as butterflies and daisies or some shit. My feet hang off the edge of the bed and I am only 5'5" - so I keep wondering who this bed was made for? - perhaps one of the darling little butterfly kids. So - it is somewhat bizarre.

In closing - report thus far is: Brain = top notch, Feeling = better than I should given the fact that I spend a lot (like 20 hours a day) in the pastel happy baby egg land made for elfs...but at least I realize how much I think babies in butterfly costumes on walls are kind of freaky and I will never take my queen size bed for granted again. End of report...carry on...