The Beginning

So I have decided to just do the right thing and start a blog and stop sending my friends endless emails filled with my meandering aimless thoughts and this way - - you are all free to get as little and as much of me as you wish.

Today has no real value - there is no reason why this blog should begin on this rather non-monumental day. It is a boring Sunday which I partially slept thru due to late night antics constisting of odd combinations of movement, gratification and then a game of Spades. In all honesty after that silly Spades tournament - - I stayed up restless and a bit out of my mind to play solitaire for hours. Yes I am this pathetic - -and with every card I thought - - "This game is so pointless and I don't even like it" but I kept playing in order to find the sandman and get a good hold on him. (I also wished I had my ipod with me as I would have loved to have quietly listened to music......but I had this drink spilled onme the other night and had the ipod in my bag and fear breaking it so I didn't bring it out but then I didn't stay at my house ....... I need damn money so I can take cabs home at the end of the night - - so as to be able to listen to music as I go to bed.....blah blah blah)

But I suppose this blog should try to have a point or be mildly amusing and well I hope that happens but fuck it - - this is just the beginning and I can't figure out how to swim if I ain't in the water - right? So be patient with my flailing and remember there is beauty in the fall and the struggle.....sometimes even more than there is in the success. (Goal being success as a writer not as an amazing blogger - - I just think this will help)

So - why start this damn thing? Free my friends of incessant emailing and give myself a place to spew words about as I love writing and honestly fear annoying my friends with my mundane recycled thoughts. This of course explains my quiet nature.....I would hate to annoy people with my thoughts. That being true - -I still have an endless barage of thoughts that I wish to express in many forms and have decided this forum may work.

My thoughts today are mainly of the red sox, the ocean, friends and solitude. I also wonder whether it might not have been a really good idea to have remain a wandering girl with a dream of being a writer than to graduate to a lonesome adult on the verge of melting into a suit I never really liked anyway.

Where did these thougts lead? Oh funny you might ask that. They led me to the Ocean to contemplate its vastly amazing self..............which did not cure my restlessness - - so I chopped off my hair a la Pink in the movie The Wall. Ok no not that drastic - - - but still with 2 inch scissors and reckless abandon I chopped off about 6 inches of lifeless hair. And I tell you it felt good and gave me the feeling of change with out actually changing much - - - I mean there's grabbing a Harley and heading South on an advendure in the vain of Che Guevara and then there is a haircut -- so this step is small and symbolic at best.

And that's all I got for right now - - - I may want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and lucious --- and start a revolution but right now as I sip on my brew, lament lost love, wonder about the fate of the world and the rest of my life ....I realize that this is good - - this moment right here with the sound of the ocean ebbing and flowing and the clacking of the keyboard.......and this is just the beginning - - it is small like a drop of water in the ocean but sometimes you have to just start somewhere and say fuck everyone who doesn't understand - - this ocean is mine.