Sticks and Stones

Monday, October 25, 2004

Several Pints of Useless Mediocrity

Temporary Employment is perhaps the most mundane thing one can do unless you happen to luck out like a compatriot of mine and wind up working with semi-rock star types who can tell you of their yesterlife and make the day pass with a bit more ease. But no that is not what I have.....I work among the Tuberculosis Paranoids and the Heroin Babies.

Since I now have new - shorter hair - - some random man - Mr. TB decides to tell me he doesn't really like the change - - That I need a cut that flatters my face and blah blah blah. As he is going on about oblong faces and really short hair on women and how he is losing his hair, my listening fades. I know my face is conveying that expressionless emotion that I reserve for such useless conversations as these. I just said that I liked it and I did it myself....which prompted absolutely bizarre inquires like - - "Is it a perm?" and "Well you didn't style it today - right?" He is blunt - but it is easy to imagine that his unsolicited candor in this manner has likely gotten him a smack in the face or two.

My mind is floating away from him and his continuing commentary but my thoughts are still near by.....as I consider this man. He is in his early 40's and lives with his mother and is a self proclaimed career temp........and holds the bizarre belief that I have tuberculosis. He also seems to believe that smoking is not harmful to your lungs but quitting is what makes one's health go downhill.

I realize this Tuberculosis comment may have piqued someone's interest - - at least any of the paranoid hypocondriacs out there. Basically, I have had this cough and flu type of illness for weeks now and it seems to ebb and flow - - especially when I combine this illnes with my restlessness. It is like this.....I am sick and should stay in bed and rest and so I do for a day or two or three but then I get so damn bored and restless -- and wham bam I am out of bed and playing a game of hide from the illness and assauge my silly belief that indeed I can win. I do things like stay out until 5 am behaving like a heiress to a hotel or a rock star and then go to my ridiculous temp. jobs on an hour of sleep and then return home to write and read until the wee hours again. So this sleep deficiency and bizarre antics of out manuevering my illness - - of course has the realistic effect of keeping me forever ill and thus with cough.

But I figure now this cough is my buddy - - so I don't care. I mean this is a lonely city and love is hard to come by and I figure if you can't shake your bad health and live the life you enjoy - - - then learn to enjoy and befriend the symptoms of your insanity. Yes - it is utter insanity to try to outrun your poor health as it can see through walls and all that jazz - - so I say embrace it - - I may even name my cough. I will perhaps even name it Cornelius McFlemish III.......or I could just stick with Buddy.

So me and my buddy have been tending to the uber soul sucking data entry at this slave rate temp job that I have had now for a bit over a week now. My buddy has been noticed by all people at this agency and that is perhaps the only thing they have noticed about me....until the hair.

Mr. TB has been feigning concern since day one......I say feigning because there is not one bit of genuine care in his comments - - he talks to me about my buddy to try to impress upon my his intelligence. Judge for yourself just how impressed I am. He honestly believes that I have TB today - in 2004 and believes I should go to the hospital and pay to take the test to see if this is actually the case. He believes that I have TB because he thinks that I have been hanging around a lot of older Asian people.........yes this is a real story.

I mean I do live in a predominantly Asian area - - however, it is not an area overrun with the plague and I hardly dine with a bunch of unhealthy Asian old-timers. I mentioned to Mr. TB that I didn't have health insurance but left off the obvious inner dialogue that I have a brain and rarely take my medical advice from 42 year old men who live with their mothers and indulge in the insane armchair medical advice - - but that is just me. Perhaps he impressed my buddy though because Cornelius McFlemish the III seems to have taken a vacation - - surely just a short one to a nearby Asian neighbor of mine..........

Sunday, October 24, 2004

The Beginning

So I have decided to just do the right thing and start a blog and stop sending my friends endless emails filled with my meandering aimless thoughts and this way - - you are all free to get as little and as much of me as you wish.

Today has no real value - there is no reason why this blog should begin on this rather non-monumental day. It is a boring Sunday which I partially slept thru due to late night antics constisting of odd combinations of movement, gratification and then a game of Spades. In all honesty after that silly Spades tournament - - I stayed up restless and a bit out of my mind to play solitaire for hours. Yes I am this pathetic - -and with every card I thought - - "This game is so pointless and I don't even like it" but I kept playing in order to find the sandman and get a good hold on him. (I also wished I had my ipod with me as I would have loved to have quietly listened to music......but I had this drink spilled onme the other night and had the ipod in my bag and fear breaking it so I didn't bring it out but then I didn't stay at my house ....... I need damn money so I can take cabs home at the end of the night - - so as to be able to listen to music as I go to bed.....blah blah blah)

But I suppose this blog should try to have a point or be mildly amusing and well I hope that happens but fuck it - - this is just the beginning and I can't figure out how to swim if I ain't in the water - right? So be patient with my flailing and remember there is beauty in the fall and the struggle.....sometimes even more than there is in the success. (Goal being success as a writer not as an amazing blogger - - I just think this will help)

So - why start this damn thing? Free my friends of incessant emailing and give myself a place to spew words about as I love writing and honestly fear annoying my friends with my mundane recycled thoughts. This of course explains my quiet nature.....I would hate to annoy people with my thoughts. That being true - -I still have an endless barage of thoughts that I wish to express in many forms and have decided this forum may work.

My thoughts today are mainly of the red sox, the ocean, friends and solitude. I also wonder whether it might not have been a really good idea to have remain a wandering girl with a dream of being a writer than to graduate to a lonesome adult on the verge of melting into a suit I never really liked anyway.

Where did these thougts lead? Oh funny you might ask that. They led me to the Ocean to contemplate its vastly amazing self..............which did not cure my restlessness - - so I chopped off my hair a la Pink in the movie The Wall. Ok no not that drastic - - - but still with 2 inch scissors and reckless abandon I chopped off about 6 inches of lifeless hair. And I tell you it felt good and gave me the feeling of change with out actually changing much - - - I mean there's grabbing a Harley and heading South on an advendure in the vain of Che Guevara and then there is a haircut -- so this step is small and symbolic at best.

And that's all I got for right now - - - I may want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and lucious --- and start a revolution but right now as I sip on my brew, lament lost love, wonder about the fate of the world and the rest of my life ....I realize that this is good - - this moment right here with the sound of the ocean ebbing and flowing and the clacking of the keyboard.......and this is just the beginning - - it is small like a drop of water in the ocean but sometimes you have to just start somewhere and say fuck everyone who doesn't understand - - this ocean is mine.